Answering a most asked question: ”How are you?”

“How are you?” This is a simple question. One I struggle to know how to answer. I want to invite people into my life, I really do. And I want people in my corner, cheering me on or helping me back up when I’m down. Also I want to be listened to, cared for, even pitied. Yes, for some reason, pity sounds good. Perhaps it’s because I feel so pitiful myself and I’m worried it doesn’t show. I’m worried no one sees through my fake smiles and insincere small talk. You see, lately for me, a genuine smile on ...

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Dear Mr. Friendly,

I am blessed beyond words to tell you that my husband completely ignored your advice from a few years back. You remember us, right? Your church is too small not to notice when we arrived… And when we left. Your “counsel” is the reason we ultimately left your church. This allowed our marriage space to heal and then seek out a new church family that practices grace and forgiveness. It’s absolutely disgusting that your first reaction to our marriage story was divorce. Even worse, you attempted to convince my husband to leave me. Convince. That word alone is problematic ...

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First Heartbreak

Heartbreak is inevitable. My first was around the 8th grade or so. He was never even my boyfriend. Yet I cried about him like he had been the love of my young life. I don’t want to forget this painful experience because it’s memories like these that keep me open minded to my own daughter’s journey through life. His name was *Chad, which may or may not have been short for *Chadwick. He was a quiet boy, a good boy, a Christian boy. He was cute, not incredibly tall but taller than me. Tick, tick, tick, he checked off ...

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The Most Beautiful Gift That Never Was

A gift can be given and taken away. Is that how it goes? Well, that’s basically how this story goes. Two years ago or so my dad texted me out of the blue, asking to meet up soon. Because we had not had any kind of relationship for 5 about years before that, he clarified that “Everything is okay” and he wasn’t dying. I appreciated him saying that. One of deepest fears is his death before reconciliation. During our awkward meeting- because none of us really knew each other anymore – my dad did the one thing I had ...

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Mr. Sexy

Why the Weight Loss Question?

“So is the weight loss healthy or unhealthy?” a friend asked Mr. Sexy as he entered the room. “Well, I’m also swimming 4-5 days a week,” Mr. Sexy said with a chuckle. “Oh, so you’re getting a swimmer’s body then,” the friend replied. My question is this: Why do we feel the need to comment on someone’s outward appearance like their weight loss? What is the actual intent behind these types of comments? For the most part I am sure it is innocent or just uneducated on best ways to start conversations. It’s all forgivable and not the end ...

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Holiday Boundaries

Holiday boundaries are not new to me. It took some years to not feel guilty about them. And even today I sometimes let the guilt in to sit a moment. Then I remember: It doesn’t have to be about them right now! Look around you! Your world feels like it’s continually spiraling and you’re growing extra limbs just to keep going! You don’t owe shit to anybody else, Jess. You are allowed to have boundaries! Boundaries have a way of setting you free. They allow you to truly live in the life you are designing for yourself. You can ...

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