How Sex Education Helped Me Deconstruct Religion

I didn’t plan to deconstruct religion after entering the sexual health industry, but looking back, I can’t see it going any other way. The more I educated myself, the more confident I became, not only in the content I taught but also in my own sexuality.

To be honest, the resistance I faced after starting Pure Romance planted the first seeds leading me to deconstruct religion. I had no problem getting my friends to my parties when I hosted them. But getting them on board once I became the consultant was a different ball game entirely.

Women who had attended Pure Romance parties, including ones I hosted, didn’t feel morally right about hosting a party themselves. Even my best friend at the time refused to help me out and host a party. It wasn’t because she felt morally against it, but her husband found it to be morally wrong. He already disapproved of her attending these parties – although she had invited me to my first Pure Romance party in the first place.

These early interactions with my friends began coloring the canvas of my deconstruction journey.

It felt hypocritical for my friend to attend my party but not be allowed to host one. But hey, that’s the Christian way. At the time of starting Pure Romance, my friends mostly identified as Christians. In fact, my friends had primarily been Christians my entire life. That makes sense, though. I spent so much time in church. Naturally, that’s where I made my friends.

Some people felt so offended when I invited them to my sexual health events that they sent me long messages about why they would never attend or buy products like these. Then I got a message from Micaela, whose house I used to go to for a small group with our church. She specifically said she wanted to take me out to coffee out of concern for my spiritual well-being. I chose not to respond to her; I felt confused and overwhelmed.

You see, I didn’t want to deal with confrontation from Christians who wanted to push their agenda on me.

I felt I didn’t have good answers to give them in return. In many ways, I felt like I didn’t know what I was doing, and perhaps I was wrong! Yet when I wondered if I was wrong, living in sin because of my new job, I went back to my chosen purpose in doing this work.

In the very beginning of my sexual health training, I created a vision board. But I wasn’t patient enough to wait to go to the store for an actual piece of poster board. Instead, I taped four pieces of printer paper together and got to work.

So, I divided my vision board into four sections: Income, Community, Future, and Faith. I asked myself questions like, “What am I doing this business for?” and “How can I be a Christian and sell sex products in a moral way?” Through the process of drawing like a first grader and free writing on the back of my makeshift poster, I realized my “why” for this type of business.

I wanted to create a community where women feel seen, heard, and valued in the space of sexuality. Period.

That vision board became something like a lifeline. When I felt confused about whether I was doing the right thing or not, I could go back to the stick figures I drew of women holding hands in a circle. At the end of the day, connecting with women to have open conversations about sexuality is what it’s all about.

That vision board now only lives in my memory.

Some years ago, while I was away at an event, a small fire broke out in our home, destroying our family computer and my vision board. I wish I still had my vision board because I would love to see what I wrote on the back. However, I suppose the vision board served its purpose as a starting point for my journey to deconstruct religion.

I struggled to answer so many questions that came up for myself as I pursued my work in the sexual health industry. At first, I chose to try to work only with women who were married monogamously. But I quickly noticed the holes in my thinking, and that way of booking clients didn’t last very long.

Slowly, one baby step at a time, I began to deconstruct the religion I was raised to spend my life living under.