Karma is… Confidence in Creativity

I woke up feeling stark raving mad, but I knew I needed to maintain confidence in creativity to get through the day. Instead of immediately getting up, I decided to sleep in until Mr. Sexy left for work. This felt like a small act of self-care, even though I had passed out by 10 last night after just one cocktail, a little weed, and a few CBD sleepy gummies. At first, I thought it was just a mild case of a bad mood, but I hoped that by the end of church, I would feel better. Nevertheless, I wasn’t going to let this case of the Mondays take away the one part of my day that helps set my head on straight.

When I arrived at church, I was surprised to find it was an extra-long service today. Chalene talked about her research on selling feet pics and how easy it could be to make decent cash. Naturally, I took out my phone during worship to record my toes in the sand. However, I hesitated for a solid five minutes, carefully weighing my options. On the one hand, I could take off my shoes and fully enjoy the moment, but on the other hand, I worried about the annoyance of having sandy feet during the short walk from the shoreline to Oceanside. Ultimately, I chose both.

Walking in the sand felt luxurious, with my toes painted a shade of pink, and the water crashing over them was an unexpected turn-on, boosting my inner confidence in creativity.

Despite this, the walk back wasn’t as enjoyable. I debated whether to put on my socks and shoes or go barefoot across the treacherous parking lot. In the end, I opted for barefoot because I’m a Bad Bitch who knows exactly where to place my feet, shoes or not.

During this time, I also untangled some deeper thoughts. For one, I worked through the disappointment I felt over a lost contract on Upwork. I had completed the entire project, yet at the end of the day, the client turned out to be a creep who didn’t want what he originally asked for. Instead, he wanted explicit pictures of me. Confidence in my creativity took a hit. However, grom the moment I saw his posting on Upwork, I noticed red flags. In fact, I never even applied for the job—he reached out to me first, which was the initial red flag that I immediately recognized.

Although suspicious, the project sounded like a fun way to build new confidence in my creativity. He wanted a 5,000-word fantasy NSFW story for him and his girlfriend to enjoy. While his $50 bid was low, he was open to negotiating. After some back-and-forth, we agreed on $500 for a story that would involve myself, my partner, and some pictures of us.

Yes, I know I’m dancing a line here that most people wouldn’t, so don’t be a judgy bitch, okay?

Long story short, we started a contract for $400 with the potential for a $100 tip. I crafted a hot, nasty narrative for this mystery couple—I don’t even believe they were real. Throughout our conversations while I wrote, he kept asking what I thought about him and the pictures he sent of him and his girlfriend. When I asked for a picture of the two of them together, he replied, “Didn’t you see the picture of my hand grabbing her ass?” The weird part was that all the naked pictures had no heads.

At this point, I could have asked more questions and clarified my expectations, like, “Oh, okay, cool. So it looks like we’re not showing faces in any of the naughty pictures, which I think is great because it adds to the fantasy element of it. Also, I’m asking for a picture of the two of you together with your clothes on. Haha, sorry if that wasn’t clear.”

Looking back, I’m super curious what excuse this guy would have come up with for 1) why his nasty pics should be anonymous while mine shouldn’t, and 2) why he doesn’t have any pictures of him and his girlfriend together. But honestly, I didn’t care.

From the beginning of this project, I felt suspicious about him.

But the project sounded so interesting, and I really wanted to try it. Plus, even if he was a creep, who cares? I’m careful about giving away my private info on that site, and it’s very, very strict. This client taught me just how strict.

Throughout our conversations, he kept asking me to send him pics—another red flag, because ummm, that’s not part of the deal, asshole! He also kept asking me to comment on the pictures he sent. I had to remind him this isn’t OnlyFans and to stop, which he didn’t, not really.

Nevertheless, when I didn’t have to interact with him, I had the best fucking time creating this narrative. While I initially used ChatGPT to help with the concept and outline, everything changed once I started writing. I finished the project, added in all the pics, and it was so hot.

Even Mr. Sexy said so, adding, “You’re really good at this.” That meant the most to me.

So I sent a quick preview of the final product to the creep of the month, and he questioned the no-heads-in-pics thing. I told him that I agreed with what he said earlier—that removing faces is a form of protection. Then I added that this way actually enhances the fantasy. These pictures could be anybody!

Well, he said he wanted to see my face in those photos with my glasses. Since he was paying, he thought he should get what he wanted. I told him he could end the contract if that’s what he wanted. And he did.

I learned a few things from this experience. First, I love the idea of creating a sultry fantasy narrative for another person or couple. I think this could add so much excitement to the bedroom for so many people, and how fun would it be to include a few of their own pictures in the stories? And for couples who have to live long-distance or travel a lot, the possibilities are endless.

I also learned how much I value myself.

By this, I mean my work, my creativity, and the genius I bring to the table. The writing alone was worth $500, easy, not to mention the specifically tailored content, the personal nature of my relationship as part of the story, and the pictures offered from both sides. Recognizing this made me feel really powerful. There was no way I was going to give him any of my work without seeing $400 drop into my account. And as you know, it didn’t. But I gained something far more valuable, I think.

Ultimately, I gained this experience and, more importantly, a renewed confidence in creativity. Doors and windows are blowing wide open for me to see more and more of what the possibilities are.