Karma is… Overcoming Marriage Obstacles

Mr. Sexy and I thought our honeymoon would be all about relaxation, romance, and a lot of sex. Instead, our first adventure as a married couple turned into a crash course on overcoming marriage obstacles together. 

Thirteen years ago, Mr. Sexy and I stepped off a plane in Mexico after a night of zero sleep, zero sex and only a small jar of mixed nuts for dinner and breakfast. Tired as we felt, we were eager to start our life together in an all-inclusive resort in Puerta Vallarta, Mexico.

As I reflect, it’s impossible not to notice the omens of the journey of overcoming marriage obstacles that lay ahead of us. 

You see, despite the beautiful setting, I felt sick throughout our entire trip. Every aspect of our wedding felt stressful from choosing a venue six months in advance to our DJ asking me for help while I sat at my bridal table next to my new husband. Needless to say, driving home in our decked-out limo on our wedding night felt like luxury not because of the limo itself, but because it was just us. Finally. 

So, even though I felt sick during our honeymoon from the letdown of stress, we made sure to experience everything our all-inclusive had to offer: Pools, beaches, unlimited food and drinks, ocean side view with a balcony, live music and shows and so much people watching! To be clear, we got a steal of a deal on this resort through a friend, so we couldn’t afford to do any extra excursions we wanted to do like kayaking, jet skiing and swimming with the dolphins. 

But we didn’t need all that. Not really.

We felt so happy lounging on beach chairs with margaritas in one hand, and shiny new rings on the other. Like life, many things about our honeymoon didn’t go as planned. And as we lay on the beach, feeling the hot sun and ocean breeze, we felt ready for overcoming marriage obstacles that would come our way. 

Had we known then what we know now about blending families, we might have approached ours differently. But as we posed for romantic sunset pictures on the sandy beaches of Mexico, we had no way of anticipating the traumas that would come. You see, we thought we had it all figured out already. And whatever we didn’t yet know, we would overcome those marriage obstacles with God in our hearts and parenting books on our nightstand. 

However, hindsight shows us that even with prayer and books like “Shepherding a Child’s Heart,” we were in no way prepared for the reality of the life we created together. You see, even though we read many books on parenting (Love & Logic being another favorite), none of them focused on the unique dynamics of blending a family, much less blending a family with special needs. But you know, even if we had read those books (if they existed), I’m not sure it would have changed the outcome a whole lot.

Regardless, we felt invincible during those early days of our marriage. We had all the answers, too. Yet we soon learned that the road ahead would be filled with challenges we never expected.

One of the most disappointing aspects of our honeymoon was not having the extra cash to spend on excursions, shopping, or anything beyond what came with our all-inclusive stay. Although we scored a fantastic deal through a friend, and the resort offered plenty of amenities like pools, hot tubs, and endless food and drinks, I still felt the unfamiliar sting of financial limitation.

But I decided I didn’t care about what we missed out on. Mostly. At the end of our honeymoon, what mattered is that we made it here! We survived all the stressful wedding parties and somehow managed to wind up sipping cocktails on a beach in Mexico. From this view, anything and everything could be possible.

Now, as Mr. Sexy and I celebrated our 13th year of marriage together, I can see how much we’ve grown in our understanding of money. Back then, we didn’t have a healthy relationship with finances, and that lack of understanding caused a lot of problems. In fact, it nearly led to legal issues. However, no matter what we were going through—like each time we watched our car get repossessed—we always turned to each other first.

Truthfully, we didn’t seek comfort in God when times got hard, (though we wouldn’t have admitted that at the time). Nor did we run to friends or family for support. Instead, we chose each other. Over and over again, through every crisis, every gut-wrenching trauma. 

Even when anger and frustration could have driven a wedge between us, we chose love, overcoming our marriage obstacles.

So, despite the challenges, we still reveled in our freedoms of spontaneity during our trip. For instance, we had beer and tequila fountains in our room, which we enjoyed to full capacity. Since we didn’t drink much back then, it was easy to get a little tipsy and let loose. When it came to the sex, though, I felt shy about my body, yet eager to please my new husband.

We tried all kinds of new things on that trip. The mussels and clams we ordered with dinner one night didn’t serve as an aphrodisiac for us. Then again, we did have stand up sex on our balcony, naked. We also made our first sex videos together on that trip. However, we lacked healthy communication around boundaries, resulting in a lot of insecurity and discomfort on my end.

I’m so happy spontaneity still exists in our relationship and that we’ve learned to communicate better and better about our boundaries. Our ability to let loosen up even in small ways helps us remain connected to each other through every challenge. Whether I’m asking him to play a wild game of truth or dare or I want to hit a dance club, he’s always my ride or die.

Knowing him as well as I do, I believe he sees the joy these silly adventures bring me.

For instance, now that we live near the beach, running out for a midnight stroll or swim is a thrill that I can’t resist. I love the spontaneity of deciding, on a whim, to walk to 2nd Street just because we feel like getting dessert together. These antics, which began so early in our relationship, have carried us through our darkest times and will undoubtedly continue to do so for many more years.

Looking back on our honeymoon, I realize it was just the beginning of a journey filled with love, challenges, and unforgettable moments. Those early days of figuring things out together laid the foundation for the life we’ve built. As we continue to write our story of how we overcome marriage obstacles, I’m confident that the spontaneity, love, and commitment that brought us together will keep us strong for many years to come.