I experienced the best holiday season of my life. That’s a bold statement, I know, and I don’t make it lightly. These past few days I thought deeply about this and realized I’m not projecting or exaggerating. For the first time, I embraced healthy selfishness during the holidays, prioritizing both myself and my family in a way that made everything feel right.
Learning to Celebrate Myself
You see, I was born three days before Christmas. So, obviously over the years I learned to take advantage of every birthday perk. Then when I married Mr. Sexy, he introduced me to the idea of a birthday week and eventually a birthday month. However, throughout most of my life, I still expected the people around me to celebrate me.
As a teenager, I planned my own parties, of course. But as an adult, I wanted others to take the initiative to make me feel special. However, that approach didn’t work. I constantly felt disappointed because I never told anyone what I wanted. Instead, I’d simply say, “Surprise me,” and hope for the best.
Taking Control of My Happiness
This year, I took a different approach. I said, “No surprises.” I thought about how I wanted to celebrate myself and made my own plans. The result?
I had the best birthday ever!
So what made this year so different? For one thing, I took my own needs into consideration and chose to do exactly what I wanted. At first, I worried that planning my own celebration might seem selfish or egotistical. For some people, maybe it would be. But eventually, I saw myself clearly and recognized my worth.
Taking the lead felt empowering. I realized I am worthy of celebration. In essence, this mindset of healthy selfishness during the holidays didn’t just affect my birthday—it shaped how I approached the entire season.
Letting Go of Holiday Perfection
Now, in the past I called myself a “Grinch.” Deep down, I loved the holidays, but I carried unnecessary pain and stress alongside that love. I regretted drinking my way through many holiday seasons, crying through countless late nights, and stressing over picture-perfect meals I didn’t even cook.
In fact, for a few years the only reason our home got decorated was because my daughter took it upon herself to do it. When she did, I cried over her goofy decorating choices because I felt so depressed. And while last year’s holidays were good, they still carried a heaviness I couldn’t ignore.
Healing Brought Freedom
This year, however, everything changed. Ongoing healing made all the difference. Holidays weren’t just about Our Great Escape or a temporary distraction. Moving to a new place allowed me to focus on my emotional health. But it wasn’t just my healing that mattered. Mr. Sexy experienced his own transformation, and watching him heal profoundly impacted me.
For years, I absorbed his pain, even when I didn’t need to. So as he found relief, I felt my own burdens lift.
While I reflected on my healing journey, I also began to unpack the beliefs that had shaped how I saw myself for so long.
Letting Go of the “Broken” Mindset
Christianity repeatedly taught me a harmful lie: that I am broken and only Jesus could make me whole again. In contrast, therapy taught me something entirely different. Broken things stay broken, even after they’re glued back together. In other words, I don’t have a mental illness, I’m not missing any pieces, and I’m not terminally flawed. Nothing about me needs fixing because I am whole. If I were broken, I would need fixing—but I’m not. I am whole as I am.
But for years, I believed in the lie of my brokenness.
That belief seeped into every aspect of my life, including my holidays.
But not anymore.
Embracing Healthy Selfishness During the Holidays
This year, I fully embraced healthy selfishness during the holidays. I prioritized my well-being and encouraged my family to do the same. For example, some days, this meant baking double batches of Christmas cookie dough and then never actually baking the cookies. I also rescheduled traditions, like our vision board project, to next month, because we felt too exhausted to do it during the holidays.
Most importantly, I let go of rigid plans and created space for flexibility and rest.
To put it simply, I focused on what served us best in the moment. By honoring our reality, we created our own unique moments. This holiday season wasn’t perfect, but it was truly the best because it was ours—imperfect, honest, and filled with moments of magic.
Have you ever redefined your holidays to fit your needs? Let me know in the comments how you’ve embraced your own moments of magic!
