Karma is… Pursuing Dreams

Perhaps I realized my new dream. Or rather, a dream I’ve always carried inside, and now I can finally put words to it. I can see me pursuing dreams as a real possibility. 

Growing up I carried big dreams inside my heart. From early grade school on I knew I wanted to be a writer. At the same time, I also discovered my deepest struggle with writing: Finishing the project. To this day, I struggle to finish my projects. And it’s pretty much anything, too. Even orgasms – though Mr. Sexy and I worked through that particular struggle a long time ago. 

But seriously, I fully recognize this thread running through my life of starting a project only to leave it undone, never pursuing dreams.

For example, in 8^th grade I quit theatre and volleyball. When I showed up to my first audition after moving to a new city, I felt scared at the amount of people in the audience. So, my mom held my hand and we left. Then I tried out for volleyball and made the C Team. I hated being on the worst team and feeling like the worst player. Thus, a few weeks into training, I quit. I don’t even remember having a conversation about it with my parents. And I wouldn’t find theatre again until adulthood. However, I never did pick up sports, and I regret that. 

So even though I wanted to be a writer, I fantasized about two things: Becoming a famous Hollywood actress and marrying the love of my life and having his babies. But I dreamed about one more dream, too.

I dreamed about pursuing dreams to write a book one day.

I’m not sure why I wanted to write a book so bad at such a young age. Nevertheless, as a kid I carried a bag of books with me wherever went because you just never know! We could get stuck in traffic, get bored walking through the grocery store or watching my brother’s karate class. No matter what, I kept a book with me. I loved getting into someone else’s story, their world. 

I think reading stories helps give perspective on our own stories as we live them and then reflect on them. 

Long story short, I did attempt to write my first book. If memory serves, I created fan fiction from Cinderella, though I didn’t know the term “fan fiction” at the time. Of course, I inserted myself into Cinderella, imagining my character traits in her life. But the thing is, I didn’t get very far with the story. However, I did I start the story over and over and over and over again. I think the details of creating this masterpiece overwhelmed me. In my mind, I wanted to create something extraordinary. But I had no idea what to do with the gazillions of pieces that I needed to come together to create the story running through my head. 

Now, I did fulfill two of my childhood dreams: I got married and had my husband’s babies.

A few years ago I watched my daughter, eight at the time, talk about pursuing dreams of writing stories and books. Wow, that brought me back to my own childhood fast. While she knew her dad I both write, she would go to her dad for help writing her stories. He answered her questions, offered advice, and helped her boil the big ideas down into sizeable ones. 

On one hand my heart feels warm and fuzzy thinking about the connection and trust built between them. Not to mention the skills Emily started learning so young. Since that time, she completed multiple stories. And I don’t know if writing will be her future or not. Perhaps not. Maybe she told her stories, or rather, she learned how to tell stories and now she gets to play with whatever format she wants to use.

I, on the other hand, still need to learn to start the story and then finish it. 

With all that to say, I began this blog post to discuss pursing dreams, dreams I’ve carried all my life.

You see, for as long as I can remember, I’ve watched my daily life through the lens of camera. But only in my head. For instance, when my dad would leave on his long trips flying big planes, I watched the blue skies from my roof top, imagining a camera sitting by me, moving, telling a story without needing any words.

I fantasize in the same way today. 

Could this be because I grew up in the era when video cameras first became a thing? My parents have oodles of home video tapes somewhere. But you know, I don’t care where it came from, it exists. 

So, have you figured out my big dreams yet? 

It’s taken a long time for me to formulate this idea as real, and even allow myself to think about the action steps towards pursuing these dreams.

While I could pursue these dreams from anywhere in the world, I do happen to be perfectly positioned to shoot for the stars with our recent Great Escape. 

My dream is that one day you will be watching a Netflix limited series based on the bestselling book written by Jessica Leigh Biles.