Karma is… Writing Stories

Dear Jessica, 

Hey, how are you? I hope you’re doing well. Usually, I’m writing stories right now. Instead, I’m lying on my bed while writing this letter. It’s kind of weird to write a letter to my future self. But here I am. I like to write, anyway. So, this will be easy.

Firstly, I want you to know how beautiful I think you are. Even though you look a lot like Mom, you also don’t look like her at all. I’m not sure how to describe it. My hair is super long right now; it almost reaches my butt! Mom tells me I’m pretty all the time. It feels really nice to hear. But she also says I’m prettier than she is, and that confuses me. I think I look a lot like her. So if she thinks she is not very pretty, how could she think I’m so pretty? It doesn’t make much sense.

I think it’s so cool that you get to live at the beach! I can’t wait to enjoy that when I’m older, too. I’m glad you have that space, and I’m really proud of you. I watched you go through so many big and difficult things. But I don’t have to ask how you got through. I already know, I think.

I was right there with you from the beginning. Like when Twitch died and that really affected you, and you weren’t sure why. Then a few days later, you had bad feelings about, ummmm, I guess I will call him Mr. S? That’s when you realized how really sad he is. I think you’re really brave to lean into your gut and follow that.

Okay, in other news, I’m practicing writing stories and liking it a lot.

I’m trying to write a book right now, kind of like a Cinderella story but with a twist. I just can’t ever finish writing the stories I start, and that frustrates me. My big dream is to be a writer and write books like The Babysitter’s Club and American Girl. I love to write so much and would love to be a famous writer one day.

Man, wouldn’t it be cool to get paid for writing stories about the awesome life I lived?

I think it’s so awesome that you write so much! I know I would love to read all your stories when I get older, especially since blogging doesn’t exist yet. Writing stories is an escape, though. That’s for sure. It’s hard work to come up with all the characters, storylines, and plots. Maybe that’s why I can’t finish any of my stories. Maybe I’m trying to do too many things. I’m only 8, after all.

You know, Mom likes writing stories, too. Some might even call her a writer. You know how she always encouraged me to write in a journal? Well, that’s a lot of writing practice if I’m still doing that as an adult! So, if you ever feel like you’re not a good enough writer or don’t have enough experience, remember all those diaries and journals we kept our entire life.

What if you tell our story one day with all those letters to yourself?

I wish I could tell stories like you do. You do a good job of showing the emotions in a scene so we can really feel it. Sometimes writing makes you cry, and I think you’re so beautiful when that happens. I hope I grow up to be a writer like you are now. We have so many stories to tell.

I think I’m always trying to write my own stories in my head. Like right now, Dad left for that really long first trip. I was so mad at him for leaving for so long. I get mad at him for all the things he misses out on with me because he is always gone flying.

Sometimes I miss him. But I think I’m also letting go of him as he lets go of me. I feel special when he tells me I have a nickname, “Muck-muck.” But I don’t remember ever hearing that nickname before. So that makes me feel sad, like it’s not real. You know? Sometimes I lie on the sunroof and look for planes, imagining that he is in one of them, watching over me. But I know that’s all just so silly.

Well, I have to get going soon. I have chores to do. Then I’m going to take a bath so Mom can French braid my hair. I love to leave my braids in for a long time and then take them out so my hair is curly.

I’m just proud of you, and I wanted you to know that.

Love,

Your 8-year-old inner child