When COVID hit we were ready. My company, that is. We had already been doing a weekly connect call with our CEO every Monday at 6 AM so the transition to a call every morning of the work week was almost natural. It took a bit for me to jump on the band wagon and when I did I was PUMPED. Every single morning I was inspired and motivated and valued. I showed up at 6 AM, sometimes still under my comforter, sometimes in full work out attire and sometimes barely functioning yet, sitting up and sipping my coffee. And it was worth it. Every. Time. I was investing in myself and in others as I looked to the chat box to see who needed a boost of encouragement or some tips to move forward in their business.
Then my company did something pretty freaking cool. They started sending out cards and gifts to us for being part of this daily call! And then 5 of us were gifted $1,000 in cold, hard CASH. In fact, my CEO specifically said the cash was to spend on something other than business. What a wonderful gift for those five ladies!
I kept showing up for the daily calls. Over time, though, my mindset shifted and I didn’t even realize it. I found myself more concerned with being noticed by corporate so I could potentially win the things. (I am highly motivated by reward and potential to “win.”) Showing up for these early morning calls became a “job,” something I had to do. The fact that we were using Zoom also made it feel like a performance in effort to “perform” for my company – all in effort to “win” something and be noticed.
Ugh. It’s frustrating how much recognition matters to me. For instance, every year (excluding my first year in business) I have received a gift for my personal retail sales. It became something I came to work towards and expect to receive. Something to look forward too. And I’m a girl who LOVES to get presents! (Just ask Mr. Sexy.) So when I had my most difficult year in business, and still had significantly high sales to report, I was incredibly disappointed not to receive “my” gift.
Were my sales enough to earn the gift? Was I the number one in sales for our team? Had I earned a gift at all? Or was I completely undeserving because I was well under my record year of over $120k in retail sales the year prior? I don’t know the answers to any of the questions. And it’s something I have to be okay with. Because here is what I am learning…
The best recognition comes from inside of myself.
I am my own competition. I am capable of rewarding every goal I hit. I do not need someone else to validate my work. When someone else’s validation is what I am working towards, I feel stressed and frustrated and, in effort to be authentic, I can develop an arrogance around my work. This is not the life I want to lead. This is not the person I want to be.
My mission is to show up for you. For YOU. The one woman who needs to hear my words in this moment. The woman who feels less than. The woman who feels like she is never enough. The woman who feels like she is slowly dying inside. My mission is YOU. And when you send me a DM on Instagram that something I have shared has touched you, YOU bring me to tears. Tears that spill down my cheeks and onto my neck. Because you gave me….
I had to take some time off from social media and my business recently. I wasn’t quite sure why. I just felt like I was… over it all. Working for “nothing.” Working for less than what I felt I “deserved.” During that time I definitely did some day drinking and binge watching. I also spent more time with my kids. And I re-discovered a past hobby of mine. Through all of that I was also able to realize I have been working towards the wrong things. The times when I have had the most success is when I am focusing more on my mission than anything else. Those are the times I am also more fulfilled.
So, you can hold me accountable, friend. Because if you’re reading this, you are who I’m here for. I’m working to serve you the best to my ability in the from of a girl party, motivation Instagram stories or being a friend who can listen to what’s happening with your relationship. I will show up for my daily calls with my CEO prepared to give more than I receive. I will work my business and practice removing expectation of anything outside myself rewarding my work.
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