Dear Mr. Friendly,

I am blessed beyond words to tell you that my husband completely ignored your advice from a few years back. You remember us, right? Your church is too small not to notice when we arrived… And when we left. Your “counsel” is the reason we ultimately left your church. This allowed our marriage space to heal and then seek out a new church family that practices grace and forgiveness.

It’s absolutely disgusting that your first reaction to our marriage story was divorce. Even worse, you attempted to convince my husband to leave me. Convince. That word alone is problematic in the context of the delicate situation you were given access to. Why in the hell would you, as a professed Christian leader, feel the need to convince a man to leave a wife he truly loves?

This is slut shaming and you made me a victim of it all over again. You fucker.

Thankfully my husband could see right through the smoke screen. It’s obvious you operate from a legalistic belief about what God says and choose to bypass Gods ideas of grace and forgiveness. You see, my husband reached out to you for support at MY URGING. What makes more upsetting is you already knew going into those conversations that we already have past church hurts. And now we have you on the list.

We should have leaned into our intuition when you told us that the women in your church would not be supportive of my work as a Christian Sex Coach. In fact, you explicitly suggested I don’t tell anybody about what I do! Well, I am happy to say that I told your peeps exactly what I’m about at every chance. Through shaky knees and sweaty palms I shook hands of strangers and honestly answered every question I was asked. But don’t worry, the conversations never lasted too long.

Your congregation truly makes it difficult to feel loved and accepted.

The few times a friend disclosed they attend or have visited your church, a pit forms in the base of my stomach. How many more marriages are you trying to destroy? How many women are being slut shamed and told that other women wont accept her? How many human beings have come and gone due to your congregation’s lack of love and profound judgements towards others?

You should not be leading a church or a home group.

You should be participating in one.

Jessica Leigh Biles
Christian Sex Coach + Educator

• This open letter is directed towards two men in place of significant leadership at a local evangelical church. To be fair, I don’t know which man explicitly told Mr. Sexy to leave me.

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