In the actual moment I felt shocked and completely betrayed. I couldn’t believe she had done this to me. And not just me. Emily too. We were both lied to. We were both manipulated. Fortunately I already started therapy on dealing with my toxic family. There is a time when the incident would have ripped apart my life for months.
Instead what happened is a tiny blip on our move-in day. I’m already forgetting about it too.
Emily likes to keep up with my SIL on messenger Kids and I love that they talk. Loved. I loved that Emily had a person to talk to. Well, SIL happened to be at Disney Land and Emily invited her to come see us. Like most of the adults who used to be in my kids lives, SIL started making plans with my 10 year old daughter. Now, my kids and the adults in our lives know that I require the adult to make contact with either Mr. Sexy or I about making plans. Mymind is constantly blown at how difficult this boundary is to maintain.
SIL does text me and asked to see my kids. I said yes and they headed this way. The “they” I expected to see for a few hours was my brother, SIL and their daughter. I didn’t think to ask questions… And it was odd when SIL asked if I could drop the kids off at the grocery stare to sere them instead of going to the beach a few feet away as planned…
I felt nervous about seeing my brother and his family. SIL and I were really close for a minute. I bought us TS tickets and she started working with or marketing company. But long Story short she quit our business and our friendship with zero explanation. But hey, that’s par for the course for this group of people. They don’t communicate. It’s their number one problem.
Even though I felt nervous, I also felt kind of excited. After such a big, traumatic move it would be nice to have someone familiar here for a change even if it would he awkward. I felt confident would have a great time catching up.
But as soon as SIL came out of the car alone I knew something was wrong. I smiled, waved and said, “Heeeey!”
She walked straight to me and ignored my kids. This was weird because according to her texts, my kids were the only people she said she wanted to see. Then she started talking and I grabbed my *metaphorical* scissors.
“ I didn’t tell you or Emily this, um, I don’t know it she’ll get out of the car or not, but your mom is in the car.”
I have never felt so dumb founded.
“What the fuck?
What the fuck did you just do to me?
SIL ran away like the coward she is.
I watched SIL scurry away and realized my mom could see me from somewhere in that car, and I couldn’t see her. The disconnect between my mom and I is as old as I am. SIL and I used to talk shit about my parents all the time because she said she also found them barely tolerable. If that. Then I would see her do all kinds of fun things with them (while complaining to me about it).
What SIL did for me on my more in day was show me my gut was right. My brother married someone just like my mother. And also, SIL made it very clear how important it is for me to cut all ties with that side of the family and find a new therapist so I can continue to learn how to be a healthy parent for my kids.
I didn’t always know my own value. Now I do. And I know what my kids deserve, too. They don’t have to settle for a grandmother who hides from them in the beach parking lot. How pathetic. How sad.
The day before this all happened I had a good conversation with my life coach about my family. I expressed my frustration that since on car blew up, I have heard from everyone except my own blood. Her response, “well they must not be capable of showing up for you.” And I get that. I know that. And it’s really too bad. This conversation helped me better navigate the ambush SIL gave me.
So, I processed what happened for a few hours as we moved in our first set of boxes. I realized I am not devastated by what all those adults did together, I feel bad for them. They are all stuck. And they are missing out on knowing some really truly phenomenal human beings.
The Christians like to tell me that God hates broken relationship and you can’t really be happy with division. Those Christians need to see a real therapist. That’s all I will say about that. For now.
Our family really loves it here. We love the weather, the beach, our apartment, each other. Our family is so close. We as a unit are a big reason how we have made it here to this apartment on the beach. We do fight for sure. But man do we know how to come back and love on each other.