These types of DMs scream one thing to me: Give me a quick fix to this sex problem!!!! But that’s not what I offer. A quick fix for most sex related issues won’t solve the issue, though it can treat the symptoms for a time. For instance, Water-Based Lubricant will solve the problem of vaginal dryness. Yay! However, a well lubricated vagina won’t necessarily solve the problem of low desire. Your sex muscles take time to grow just like any other muscle in your body. Here’s the truth: Improving your sex life will cost these 3 things.
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Everybody wants a hotter sex life whether they are willing to admit it or not. And for those who are adamant that they no longer want or need sex, they either forgot what good sex feels like or never experienced good sex to begin with. So that said, you hold the power to learn about your sexuality, your body, what turns you on. Could it be possible you never discovered what type of sex truly turns you on?
You see, what’s considered “hot sex” is subjective. God created us all different so of course our sexual preferences are different, too. Right? Christian’s in the room, can we agree on that? For instance, what’s considered “hot” for a pansexual transgender person will likely be different from a heterosexual cis gender person. In a similar way, sexual preferences change over time as do your taste buds and muscle mass and brain health and so on. You are a different person than you were 10 years ago. So it makes sense that your sex life will change and grew also.
Hotter sex is available to anybody who is willing to do the work and claim it.
However, apathy lives well and strong in most people’s lives. These are the folks who DM me saying things like: “Help! My libido is non-existent and I know I need to do something about it I just don’t know what, Please help me!” Or, “My wife stopped being interested in sex a long time ago. I don’t know why. Would love to get that back.” Or, “I used to have amazing orgasms and now I don’t have any.”
These types of DMs scream one thing to me: Give me a quick fix to this sex problem!!!! But that’s not what I offer. A quick fix for most sex related issues won’t solve the issue, though it can treat the symptoms for a time. For instance, Water-Based Lubricant will solve the problem of vaginal dryness. Yay! However, a well lubricated vagina won’t necessarily solve the problem of low desire. Your sex muscles take time to grow just like any other muscle in your body.
Here’s the truth: Improving your sex life will cost these 3 things: Time, Energy and Money.
You will not move forward on your sexual freedom journey without all three components playing their role at one point or another. How you spend your time, energy and money creates the base line cost of the sex education we never got as young people.
Sometimes on your journey towards hotter sex you will only require one of these resources. At other times you will utilize all three because your sexuality is fluid. As you change, the type of support you need also changes. Either way, the bottom line remains: You will not enjoy a hotter sex life without investing in these areas. So, before we move forward with today’s conversation, will you agree to commit time, energy and/or money to the process of discovering what’s hot for you in your current sexual era?
Ya?
Then let’s go Bitch!
A hotter sex life will cost your time.
Okay, let me ask you this: How much time do you currently spend learning about sex and practicing sex? My guess is the sexy slice of your daily pie is small, making it difficult to notice, much less prioritize. So, what are those bigger slices for you? Maybe right now young kids and a rocky marriage are taking most of your time. Or perhaps you have a demanding career that gets brought into the bedroom more than you want to admit. Then again, maybe apathy is playing her role and you can feel the angst that something might be missing.
It’s time to make a change. Or two. Maybe three. But no more than three.
Contrary to what society says, you always have enough time for what matters most. So, because we know sex is a skill, it would make sense to create more space to harness this skill. (And by the way, learning sex skills happens to be a key component to bedroom confidence.) With time, you can become an expert of your own sexuality.
A hotter sex life will cost your energy.
I mean, obviously. Pound town can be exhausting even for the most skilled lover. But aside from the physical energy hot sex requires, consider your emotional energy. Learning a new skill involves elements of vulnerability that can feel uncomfortable. For example, do you remember how it felt to navigate your period during those first months? I remember breaking into a full sweat while rolling around in my closet trying to insert a tampon for the first time. By the time I finished, unsuccessfully I might add, I lay like a puddle while the sweat dried and I contemplated how to maneuver swim lessons later that day.
The stress of learning a new skill costs an energy that leans into vulnerability and possibilities of rejection. Only the bravest of souls embrace this squishy space. At the end of this journey, though, is deeper connection, more intimacy and maybe even a little desire again.
A hotter sex life will cost you money.
Nothing is ever free, not really. Take this blog, for instance. I publish free content which you are reading now, giving me your time. Now, if my content proves to be valuable enough, you might continue our transaction by giving this post a share, a comment or a purchase from my affiliate links. See? There is always a transaction.
Whether in lotion, lube or lingerie, you already spend money on you. Think about what you wear to bed every night, your favorite lotions and beloved oils. My hope is that your bed time clothes, your lotions and oils, all make you feel sexy. If they don’t, well, time to go shopping! Speaking of shopping, make sure to buy those products needed for the quick fix solutions discussed briefly earlier.
This can feel overwhelming. But hey, you’re worth it right? So is your marriage. So is your family. When you invest your resources into you, you also invest in those closest to you. It’s all connected. So what will you invest in today? Time, energy, money? All the above? Email me for Sex Coaching inquiries at jessica@jessicaleighbiles.com or sign up for Sex Coaching here.
Thank you for spending time with me today!
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