Masturbation is one of my favorite topics to educate on. There seems to be an endless amount of negative stigmas surrounding self-pleasure. In fact I am reading a book right now called The Babysitter. Inside, the author discloses her first encounter with sexual pleasure framed with misunderstood shame. Reading this glimpse into her life was so sad for me.
At the same time, there is an element of her sex shame can relate to: The feeling that I had done something wrong or dirty by touching myself sexually. Messages about sexuality are sent to us as kids at a young age. One of my first experiences with pleasure involves a movie called Titanic and a steamy love scene in a carriage. Even today that scene brings me back to what it was like to be as an 8 year old girl with sexual urges and no “correct” way to express them.
This is why I believe it’s our job as the parents to shape what messages our kids receive and what truths we want them to hold onto. It would have been invaluable for my mom to acknowledge the love scenes in Titanic with conversation instead of warning me not to watch during select times. Masturbation does not have to be stigmatized any more!
The best thing you can do to destigmatize masturbation is to educate yourself and talk about what you’re discovering.
Before you blast on Facebook that you are a proud “master bater,” let me explain to you what I mean: There are a number of ways to engage in the sexual revolution conversation! One of my favorites is to watch and listen in on what others are saying. A tv show like Sex Education is a perfect example. To be honest, it took me a few episodes to get my bearings and decide if I actually enjoyed the show or not. I loved the educational content, the humor was interesting, I always appreciate sexy accents and then I found my favorite episode and fell in love.
You need to be like Aimee and tap into your own inner unicorn.
Aimee is this goofy, ditzy, slutty character whom I actually relate to the most in the show. She is the truest picture of #daddyissues in my humble opinion. I was thrilled for her when she finally found a boyfriend who cared about what she wanted sexually. The comedy is in her reactions to what was a bizarre experience for her. The education came later as she spent the night getting to know all the erotic parts of her vulva. I challenge you to find this episode on Netflix, emulate the “sexecise,” then email me about your experience! Email: Jessica@jessicaleighbiles.com
It’s brave to give yourself freedom to explore yourself through masturbation.
There are some very loud voices that will tell you how sinful masturbation is. Some believe self-pleasure in any form is cheating. Some have decided mutual masturbation is the best way for couples. Some might be triggered by masturbation from past trauma or a sex-related addiction. Oftentimes, porn addiction leads to unhealthy masturbation habits. I say all this to show you there are a lot of reasons not to masturbate – if you believe them…
I want to introduce the idea that there is actually a healthy way to engage with self- pleasure whether single or in a committed relationship
First, I believe it is completely possible to have amazing orgasms without pornographic stimulation. Start by creating a sensual space in your bedroom by displaying your favorite boudoir pictures and any other meaningful items that represent your sexuality, your relationship or you! Don’t overthink this part and dust off what comes to mind first. Perhaps it’s a closed book of sexy pictures, a love note from your dating days, favorite lingerie or a token from a past passionate love affair.
Second, it’s important to remember how healthy it is to masturbate. It’s how you best connect to your body and learn what you enjoy sexually. Hear this: Your sexuality is fluid. By that I mean what worked for you at 20 is different from what turns you on today. And what’s working today will not be quite the same in another 20 years. As you change and grow over the years, so does your sexuality. Thus,
Masturbation is the Best Way to Keep up with you!
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Email Jessica B. your questions: Jessica@jessicaleighbiles.com